Pink Slime Warning

The Alaska Department of Fish and Game (ADF&G) in conjuction with the United States Department of Agriculture (USDA) announced that for the 2012 fishing season Pink Salmon ne' "Pink Slime" has been banned from mixing with any other salmon in the Kenai River. The restriction will become effective today, April 1st.

Dr. Will Robertson, Pink Salmonologist emeritus, disagrees with the restriction but thinks that slight modifications are in order. "It's nearly impossible to keep the "Pink Slime" out of the Kenai River, but there are ways to segregate the pinks from other salmon."

"The solution to this problem," notes Robertson, "is to have Tennessee fisherman stay on the left side of the river, and Texas fisherman stay on the right side of the river. The pink salmon have an innate ability to track to where Tennesseean's are while silver salmon track to where Texan's are. It has nothing to do with the fisherman's ability but it's their color choice. Pink salmon love the color orange and, as you know, a Tennesseean will never change colors. On the other hand, silver salmon go crazy for the color red and a good Texan knows no other color. Tennesseean's on the left, Texans on the right, and you'll have a segregated river. Pink Slime problem solved."

Roberston was asked if a Georgian would upset his proposed pink salmon management plan. "Not a problem. In all my years of field research no one from Georgia has every caught a fish."